ff

this week has heralded a few great conversations about rape and rape culture. (some not so great, too, but let's not focus on those right now.)

people outside of the feminist blogisphere have been engaging in rape culture discussions triggered by the horrible so sad awful rage-tears-inducing gang rape in india. and. while i do agree with the following...

{@pushinghoops}

i am still grateful that soooomething is happening and people are thinking and speaking and learning.

jill over at feministe links to two really thoughtful pieces that discuss purity and virtue. read them both. they're worth spending some time with.  

{from e.j. graff's piece for the american prospect}

and then, too, mom sent me this little dude which is very yes and i like it very much. (because, say it with me friends, feminism is not about women wiiinnnnnning, its about gender equality and a world that is accepting of masculinity and feminity that fall outside of the rigid little set of descriptors we're all supposed to adhere to.)

and also, this video which a dear old friend (hi jess!!) sent me.

somedays my heart hurts so bad for the state of the world, and somedays i have slivers of hopefulness and somedays... and everydays i am thankful and thankful and thankful for my own personal world, where, jokes aside about 'erin's silly feminist posts', i am loved and respected by my friends and family and given autonomy. if only everyone was so lucky. (if only that, then... universe fixed...)

**and as always seems to be the case when i write an ff post that isn't 100% angry-sad a little in advance of friday, i came across this piece last night about two young men raping their jiu-jitsu teammate in a parking lot instead of driving her home safely like they said they would do. and oh, fuck it. ow. oh. my heart. my angry-sad heart.**

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ff

i am super excited about today's theme!!! i can't even stop smiling. below is a ted talk that i was directed to by my lovely ballet teacher kate. she was chastising us - her sad adult students - for being defeatist in class. ballet is scary and hard, and you sure as hell can't pirouette if you tell yourself you're going to fall over before you even plié. kate told us about the video. (also, she pokes at us for being so pathetic and scared when we come to dance class for FUNSIES because obviously none of us think we'll be ballerinas... so. duh.)



yaaaaayyyyyy! right? it makes so much sense. generally speaking, women are conditioned to take up less space. to cross their legs. to be petite. sarah has directed me to a social scientist, carol gilligan, who writes about the differences in women's use of their bodies from a young age onto adulthood and who i am SO SO excited to read. sarah gave the example of asking 5 year old and 18 year old girls to kick a soccer ball. the 5 year old will use her whole body - leg through hip through back through arms - and the 18 year old will kick only from the leg. we have the extent of our physical range conditioned out of us. and when i think about how bold and brave and occupying-of-space 10 year old erin was vs the accommodating thing i found myself to be in my early 20s... well. ooooof. i always wondered how i'd lost confidence with age and experience. this feels very true to me. (also, i do believe that i was taught the 'fake-it ' skills without knowing that that's what i was doing, and i have benefitted from that ability many times. thanks mom and dad!)

i feel like i'm too fired up on this particular theme to have made a lot of sense today. but i will read and think and reflect some more, and hopefully write a very coherent series of posts over time. seriously so excited about this. bodies, yo! space! extension!

happy friday!

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blur of the stars

i really really love a lot of this balenciaga. but. i can't really focus on or write about the clothes. cause. paris. your models are TOO skinny. like. i know i know. models, skinny, blah blah. but. some of these girls it actually hurts to look at. and i feel like it is always worse in milan and paris. stoppit, guys. gross. (maybe it isn't actually worse in milan and paris? thoughts? maybe i've always just hit my critical mass of too-skinny-girls by the time i hit the later fashion weeks' shows?) okay. good. i'm going to go listen to jessie j's 'who you are'.

{balenciaga spring 2013, photos by monica feudi at feudiguaineri.com by way of style.com}

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bared

man. i want smaller boobs pretty much all the time. but even more especially when i look at the row. that long slouchy dignified look? not so do-able with a proper chest. so many heavy sighs, guys. how many breast reductions is too many, i wonder? probably more than 3. so. i've got 2 left, right?! please?!i will give them to charity! ugh.

{the row spring 2013, photos by arno frugier courtesy of the row by way of style.com}

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update

well it's just past two weeks into this food elimination thing, so i thought i'd give you a quick update. so far it isn't sooooo bad. i'm putting more time into cooking rather than just throwing some pasta on the stove. which is good. for my brain as well as my body. i forget how satisfying cooking something real can be.

i'm eating kale like a monster. oh man i cannot get enough of the stuff! kale in everything! kale forever!

generally, although it is early to say, i am feeling good in the stomachs. i find i feel like i'm hungrier, which i think has to do with feeling less disgustingly bloated-mc-pain-doubledover. so that is great!

the one thing that is killing me is dessert. dessert is haaaaarrrd to come up with, and i am missing the sugar-taste pretty much ALL THE TIME! all i can think about for probably about 82% of my waking hours is doughnuts.

{you can make these for yourself because you are not me. recipe here.}

ooooooof. when i am done this thing, and allowed to re-introduce, i will be on the doughnuts so fast. so i guess that means my first re-introductions will be gluten and sugar. i get 2 every 2 weeks, so hooooooray!

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ff

fashioney week. fashioney thoughts. last friday, as i mentioned, roommate-sarah and i drove down to collingwood (in eug's kickass smart car, thanks eug!!!) to watch 'miss representation' with stylist-sarah, and a theatre filled with women and girls. (and, i think, somewhere around 5 men and boys.) a few things about that trip.

one! the screening was hosted by a group called girlfriends, an after-school program for girls in grades 7 and 8. this program looks just amazeballs, and i hope that there is something equivalent wherever i am raising my one-day-daughter(s). teaching girls to be inclusive and attentive to eachother, to be brave and have their convictions, to learn to voice those convictions... so so so necessary. especially at that tricky age where it is so easy to get lost. yay! so yay! and the young ladies of girlfriends were lining the entrance to the theatre, SOOOO excited to be hosting. they were handing out programs and flyers, telling us to stick around after for prizes. (i did win a shirt. woooot!) they were adorable and awesome. i'm so glad i went.

two! see 'miss representation' if you get the chance. oh man. it was great. there were some not-perfect points, but on the whole the message is concise and pointed. even though i feel pretty up on this stuff (women and girls in media, power positions, and so on) some of the facts and figures were staggering. i wish i had the money to arrange a screening, because there are so many people who i feel don't hear what i'm saying, and that film has some hard to ignore moments. but since i don't have those monies, at least watch the trailer, and maybe look out for a screening near you. we drove around 4 hours to and fro to see this movie. and it was completely and totally worth it.



 and then! for some reading this week.

* a breakdown of the points.

above, you'll find the 6-point pledge that all vogue magazines have signed on for. and here below are two thoughtful pieces reacting to the pledge (or 'health initiative', as they're calling it). this is a yay! for sure. but a wary, cautious yay. read on and think and all that. celebrate the steps that are being taken, but continue to demand ever-more. don't stop questioning! okay go:

* longing built into its very function.

* on the grounds of creative freedom.

(am i allowed to say i kinda sorta totally hate marc jacobs? ugh. whatever. i'm saying it. really? really, marc jacobs?)

{an all plus-size cover from vogue italia's june 2011 issue}

alrighty! good friday, everyone. love and puppies!

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i'm sorry. for the next 6 weeks

 {this woman is on a cleanse. i will not be happy and in a field and cleansing like this woman.}

DISCLAIMER POINT TIMES A MILLION! THIS IS NOT A CLEANSE! THIS IS NOT A DIET! IF YOU CALL IT A CLEANSE OR A DIET I WILL LOSE MY MIND ALL UPONS YOU. YOU HAVE BEEN SO WARNED.

starting today i will not be eating a whole pile of things that i love eating. because a naturopath told me not to. because my body is all 'uuuuh, we don't know about these things. these things make us feel like bleeeeehhhhhhhh'. (my body is not very articulate.)

i am super excited about this and also very very not excited. for one thing, i will be one of 'those' people who can't eat a lot of stuff, and therefore can't eat at a lot of restaurants, friends' houses, so on. i will be difficult. and i hate that. also, i'm not so much with the super-strength will power. and i LOOOVVVEEE food and drink. and i hate to be so limited in what i can consume.

but. then again. i have been so doubled over so many times with mysterious mystery pain from eating and drinking. and if i can live life without having to leave parties and dinner tables to cry in the bathroom... well. it'll all be worth it. for sure. it'll be good to know that not being in pain is as simple as not eating such-and-such thing. i have to go full-tilt for six weeks. no cheats. and then i can re-introduce slowly, one or two items at a time. and see if it was a temporary negative reaction my body was having (over-consumption of the same things can apparently cause this) or a full-forever reaction. me and my body. trying to talk to each other.

but i'll say one more time, sans caplocks just to be nice. this isn't a diet and it isn't a cleanse. i'm not doing this to 'detox my system' or flush out water-weight or blah blah gross-dumb. i HATE cleanses and diets. this is not a vanity project. this is me trying to not poison myself anymore. this isn't some run of the mill list of thangs. this is a specific list. that my body chose. to eliminate. if i were allergic to bees, and decided to stop getting stung by bees for a while to see if i felt better, no one would say 'oh, you're doing one of those bee-free facial skin rejuvenation plans? my aunt did that!' because people would know that not getting stung by bees when you have a bad reaction to bee stings that is slowly killing you is a GOOD idea for your health. BLAH BLAH I HATE CLEANSES!

anyways! hoping you'll be super supportive of me, and accept my pre-apology for being difficult and probably pretty whiny. here's what i can't eat!!!

fruits: banana, cantaloupe, mango, strawberry, pineapple, watermelon, avacado,

veg: carrots, cabbage, corn, mushroom, eggplant, pepper (green & red),

dairy: cowmilk, cottage cheese, cheddar cheese, 'american' cheese (ha! what?!), whey (cowmilk),

grains etc: buckwheat, malt (barley), gluten, gliaden, oat, rye, yeast (brewers), wheat bran, wheat (whole), navy bean, dill, hops, peanut, poppyseed,

fish/meat: clam, crab, lobster, shrimp, ham,

fun things: milk chocolate, MSG, superheated veg fat (deep frying), sugar (white & brown), beer, coke, wine (red & white)

 {goodbye, sweetest friends}

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! here goes. i realize that i've already messed up, cause i forgot oats were on the list and had oatmeal for breakfast. damn it! ugh. this is gonna be a hard time!

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ff

aaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnddddd... we're back to the body!

i can't say enough how much, as a sorta fashion blorg, i feel it is my responsibility here to focus on issue of the body. to counteract, at least a little, all of those images which are so narrow in their scope. all of the damage this industry of clothes does whether intentionally or not. so. bodies. again.

* chloe talks body-hate

this week is not the best week of my life. and i am eating so so so much icecream and i am making it my number one priority to not even for ONE MOMENT feel badly about eating all that icecream because how ever could something that might make me feel a bit better in this not-best week be anything but good and allowed and right? i will not let myself get all upons with the stupid stupid guilt.

and as a general rule. although i am generally good about not dissing my body much, or at least not doing it out loud. i am upping my efforts. cause what the hell, my body rules. hey! so does yours! nice body! i like the way it has bones and organs and it make miraculous stuff happen all the time! i like the way it can keep being a thing even if someone takes its leg away! THAT IS AMAZING! GREAT WORK!!!

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