ff

this week has heralded a few great conversations about rape and rape culture. (some not so great, too, but let's not focus on those right now.)

people outside of the feminist blogisphere have been engaging in rape culture discussions triggered by the horrible so sad awful rage-tears-inducing gang rape in india. and. while i do agree with the following...

{@pushinghoops}

i am still grateful that soooomething is happening and people are thinking and speaking and learning.

jill over at feministe links to two really thoughtful pieces that discuss purity and virtue. read them both. they're worth spending some time with.  

{from e.j. graff's piece for the american prospect}

and then, too, mom sent me this little dude which is very yes and i like it very much. (because, say it with me friends, feminism is not about women wiiinnnnnning, its about gender equality and a world that is accepting of masculinity and feminity that fall outside of the rigid little set of descriptors we're all supposed to adhere to.)

and also, this video which a dear old friend (hi jess!!) sent me.

somedays my heart hurts so bad for the state of the world, and somedays i have slivers of hopefulness and somedays... and everydays i am thankful and thankful and thankful for my own personal world, where, jokes aside about 'erin's silly feminist posts', i am loved and respected by my friends and family and given autonomy. if only everyone was so lucky. (if only that, then... universe fixed...)

**and as always seems to be the case when i write an ff post that isn't 100% angry-sad a little in advance of friday, i came across this piece last night about two young men raping their jiu-jitsu teammate in a parking lot instead of driving her home safely like they said they would do. and oh, fuck it. ow. oh. my heart. my angry-sad heart.**

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ff

what up, rape culture!? whatcha been up to lately? cool, cool.

* how's about you give this a read?

okay, jokes aside (HAHA RAPE!) this is a solid piece. all academic in nature. thanks thomas!
it is longish, but well worth the time. there are statistics and percentages, guys! NUMBERS! and, too, some very good advice. i just want to cut-and-paste it all, but i'll try to limit myself to:

something that i'm finding terrifying and shocking as i learn more and more about rape culture is how many people i actually know who have been sexually assaulted. i always thought the list was too long when i was looking at the 'society-confirmed-rapes', but now as i think back on stories i have been told over the years... there are so many i never classified correctly. never truly appreciated the extent of damage and violence. so so many. and i shudder to think about what my reactions were when i was told about these assaults. did i listen openly or did i try to excuse the acts - try to empathize with the bad guy because, you know, he was a 'nice guy'? did i build one more tiny wall against a victim classifying her assault as just that? god i hope i didn't. but i probably did. even though there was always a banging in my gut i didn't understand. all i can do is know what i know now and never ever ever put up such a wall again. let's all be that way, okay?

happy friday, my lovely internets.

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ff (fw)

seeing as i skipped over last week's feminist friday, i'm going to throw this out there today. because i am having strong feelings about it and don't feel like waiting till friday rolls 'round again. in the wake of the string of sexual assaults around toronto. thanks to john for passing along this piece.

* communal fear

i have tried one hundred thousand times to get to the heart of what it feels like to be afraid. to just be afraid. often. everywhere. anytime. after dark. early in the morning. when alone. when somewhere new. when somewhere familiar suddenly seems so unsafe... women have vigilance and fear dug into them very very early. or at least i and so many people i know have had. (and if we haven't, well, aren't we naive and foolish and putting ourselves in danger? say the voices.)

{stacey may fowles}

last night i went to a book launch party in toronto's east side. super hip and happenin'. i had some drinks and danced and tweeted. then i went home alone on the streetcar and subway a little after midnight, and held my breath as i held my head up hoping that tonight was not the night that i stupidly assumed i was safe in my city. knowing that if it was in fact that night, people would wonder about my sky-high clog heels, my short dress, my few drinks. the female friend i was with at the party asked that i text when i got home, which i appreciated. i am always the one who worries about my girlfriends going home alone. i always feel like a broken record. telling them to be careful as if it gives them any power. telling myself i am prepared and aware and vigilant as if it will help me if i ever am one of the unlucky ones. it is constant. it makes a girl very tired. 

     {stacey may fowles again. exactly.}

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ff (fs)

uuuuggggggghhhhh guys. sorry. i put off writing this week's feminist friday post cause ugh. right? remember last week's rape-culture-fatigue link?

well this week i was gonna write about men explaining things. (after friends who i love dearly refused to learn from conversations we'd had to either a) NOT TALK ABOUT IT with me or b) adjust their attitudes on rape culture...)

and i was gonna write about the series of sexual assaults in one of my fav toronto neighbourhoods. and the heavy-sighs-for-reals? response from our shitty mayor's niece (and the very-awesome response of one of the victims).

i was gonna write about one of my very favourite humans getting chased right to her front door off the bus by two douchebags in my sweet scary hometown. and the fact that some people felt that 'not taking the bus' anymore was the solution to avoiding such situations. thanks, yo. practical shit.

but yeah. pooped. i've been dancing lots of ballet this week and i just don't feel like getting into and getting angry this week. see back to that fatigue piece.

SO INSTEAD!

i want you to take a look at the man i've decided is theeeee sexiest man. this week. his style is so unconventional and anti-heteronormative! (and daaaaamn them tattoos.) and even though he is gay i am in love with him and hoping maybe he will marry me. after he is done winning project runway... ladies and gentleman. fabio costa. love of my life!

{all photos of sweet beautiful fabio from the project runway site} 

happy long weekend.

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ff

in an epic case of 'hahahaha ooooops!' todd akin said the worst ever thing this week. and of course the internets. is. talkin. bout. it. (and republicans in general.)

* this one is particularly good so i'm setting it on its own...

i could post 18 bazillions more links, but i'll spare you all that underlined text.

i didn't reeeeally want to talk about this. because it is insane and so rage-inducing and beyond comprehension that i'm all 'nooooooooooo!' about blorging on the subject. but. then again.people who refuse to call themselves feminists, even, are posting alllll about it in a mad fervor.

this is one of a million and ten things that being a feminist means to me: believing that people in power positions should be educated about the things that are asserting power over. being outraged that there are people in 2012 who do not know the most basic details of how the female reproductive system works who are attempting to assert any level of power or control over those female reproductive systems. i don't think that is a radical point of view.

oh! and also a point for BETTER SEX EDUCATION IN THE US. (and we ain't sooo wise here either, canada. i do have a friend who believed that a headstand after intercourse was functional birth control. a sexually active friend. and a pile o' other crazy ideas about how our baby-makers work. that is to say that this whole thing, sadly sadly, did not surprise me. heaviest sigh.)

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ff

heeeey guys! the internet exploded this week!

back story. if you've been living in a hole. (or are not on twitter all the time, which is like, totes the same thing, am i right?!)

daniel tosh was making rape jokes, a female audience member shouted that 'rape jokes are never funny' and then daniel tosh said what would be funny is if that female audience member got raped by other members of the audience, like 5 of them, right?! tada!

there are 18 zillion articles - good and bad - about this. and even more tweets forever unto infinite. but i picked just this one article for you to read on the topic!

* how to make a rape joke

i chose it for many reasons, but truly the main reason is that it made me laugh a lot. like. this whole passage:

{lindy west from jezebel}

bahaha! that's great! thrashers... good one! and it is good to have a good laugh here and now because this whole fight just reminds me that rape apologists are everywhere, and they're my friends who don't know that that is what they're doing, and it breaks my heart all the time forever because I KNOW TOO MANY PEOPLE, GUYS! I KNOW TOO MANY GIRLS WHO HAVE BEEN RAPED! and it is a raw and hard subject for me. so. i'm glad that this piece was written with humour and with intelligence and so on and so forth.

read it if you love me. i mean it. more than ever. please. pleasepleaseplease. (and there are some great links in there. too. click 'em!)

OH! and. p.s. remember when we had good-news-feminist-friday? well. nevermind.
*saudi arabia takes it back. no olympics for ladies

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ff

this week, do the reading first!

* rape-culture in videogames

there are some really great bits in there, no?

i have two things i want to talk about, coming out of that reading. one:

i am glad this is in there. because. yes. this is how i feel. (not about gaming, specifically. of course. i'm not in the gaming world. but about this feminist thing.) i realize that everything i'm saying is being said elsewhere and probably a lot better. but i am constantly constantly horrified how many people are managing to not only not hear it, but also to act out so aggressively against it. and then i am raging on facebook and twitter at people who really don't see how making fun of slutwalk by making a video about how slutty slutwalk is is not helpful! ugh! (i hate to link to the video, but i'm hoping that anyone who goes and looks at it through my link will comment on its problematic (GROSS) nature.)

so that is why i write this every week. not because i think all y'all are horrible humans who need me to shake my finger at you. but because one more voice shouting into the din is better than nothing. if everyone i know who feels the way i feel was able to get their voices out and heard (and stop wrapping themselves up in the fear of language - aka 'feminism AHHHHH!!!')... well. maybe maybe maybe we could make some changes occur.

so there's that. and then! and then there is number two:

this reminds me of a more brutal version of what happened when siri didn't know how to deal with any female-centric requests. what happens when a bunch of men are in a room together without enough diversity to see the issues. (also when a bunch of men are in a room together trying to figure out what 'MEN' like... gross. guys. i know so many lovely wonderful cool smart manly men who don't want to beat up women for funsies. what a tragically limited perspective of what manhood is. poor manfolks. anyways.)

and what i actually wanna say about this is: i am super excited that my lovely wonderful cool smart manly brother-in-law-elect is making his way into the programming/gaming world. i am not a tech-savvy type, so i'm probably completely mixing media and worlds, but charlie is well into creating an ap-game which i will talk more about in another post. and charlie is just the kind of man i want going into the programmey programmer world. because i can't see him sitting down to watch a trailer where violence towards women is majorly sexualized and glorified, and not raising his hand and saying 'WHAT?!'. and we need more people like that. in every industry, sure. but particularly in ones where a) there is a certain type of misogynist man idea and b) there aren't that many women. tada! good work charlie!

ALSO I'M GOING TO SEE EMMA AND CHARLIE TOMORROW SO WHATEVER, I DON'T EVEN CARE CAUSE I'M SO EXCITED!

okay, have a good weekend!

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